Take a Seat



Kevin and I went and saw ‘Friends with Benefits’ on Saturday for our date night (aka: I shaved my legs and don’t feel like cooking night). We always go to the back of the theatre so that we don’t have anyone kicking our seats or chomping popcorn in our ears. I have terrible luck with picking seats in a movie theatre and constantly get stuck near the never-ending-bag-opener, the loudest-laugher, or the constant-cougher. We found a cozy little spot and hunkered down. Kevin went to get a drink and the madness began…

A huge group of sorority sisters came in five seconds before show-time and started dictating to the entire theatre. They wanted those 4 people to move down, those 2 people to move up, that person to disappear, and when they got to me I avoided eye contact and pretended to be texting on my crappy text-less phone. Hah! I fooled them.

After avoiding all of that nonsense and actually having some space around us, a girl comes flying in 10 minutes into the movie. I am clenching my armrests and whispering to Kevin, “Here she comes, you know she’s coming right for the seat next to me.” Of course! She plops down right next to me, wreaking of Taco Bell and cigarettes. She asked me if she missed anything important and I wanted to say “Yeah, those 2 open seats up there.” She laughed at everything and even added her own dialogue. She repeated lines while slapping her knee, and she even had to get out her phone at one point to tell her friends how “funny this sh*t iz!” There was one point she leaned onto the arm rest and was so far into my seat that I thought she was going to ask for a scalp massage or for some of my sour patch kids.

Turns out I should have stopped texting and let the sisters pick my seat. At least they smelled nice.